Abused – You’re NOT a Victim Unless You Choose to Stay
It’s been a while since I’ve published anything about abuse on here, and I thought it was about time for a new article – this one isn’t really new, but it’s applicable to a few ladies I know who are experiencing some emotional abuse. Please do know you have options!
Emotional Abuse – Why You Tolerate Abusive Behaviors in Your Life
By Dee Ver Hoeff
You’re the one sitting there crying, why not do something about the problem instead? 80% of women in an abusive relationship return five times before they leave for good. Many of those never actually leave. Some of them die before they get a chance to actually leave. Which one are you?
An abuser doesn’t start out being mean to you. The problem arises slowly, so slowly in fact that you probably didn’t notice until you were in a whole heap of trouble and too frightened and beaten down to do anything about it. But… you still have options.
Don’t give in and don’t ever give up. You can escape!
But you feel stuck…
You may be feeling stuck in the relationship because you have children. Maybe you don’t have a job. Do you feel like you owe him something? In reality, you’re only stuck because you’ve allowed yourself to become dependent on an abuser. You made the choice to get there (although you may be wondering how) and you CAN make a choice to leave. Once you take responsibility for the choice you made that got you there, originally, you can make new choices and leave.
But you’ve got no resources…
Your abuser may have taken you away from family and friends, but in reality… you ALWAYS have resources. Find a church, join a club, ask someone at the grocery store, ask someone off the street to help you or show you directions. You CAN make new friends. You CAN contact your family – they don’t hate you, no matter what you did – and you should contact them. Create NEW resources for yourself.
But he controls all the money…
Perhaps, but you have options that don’t require money if it’s the biggest issue. There are resources that will help you if you make an effort to help yourself. You can find the money you’ll need if you look. God still answers prayer, and HE is your provider. Ask and you will receive. I believe! What about you?
But he really does love me… in his own way…
Yes, and he will love you to death if you let him. If you’re being controlled by an abuser, don’t you ever believe for a moment that because he asks you to forgive him, or tells you he’s sorry that he’ll never do it again? He will. It’s part of the cycle of abuse…
He beats you up emotionally; he apologizes and blames you for his own words. He goes for weeks without a fight, maybe even sends you flowers. He treats you so nice you think he’s learned his lesson, and then he slaps you. While you’re down, he slaps you again, or kicks you. Then he’ll help you up, tell you he’s sorry and it will be a few weeks before he does it again.
But… one time, down the line somewhere, he’ll start abusing you emotionally, then he’ll cut you with words, eventually his hands will become a weapon and he’ll begin to beat you.
Will you stay?
Of course you will, because he told you it was your fault he hit you. He convinced you that he’s the best you’ll ever get. He’s even told you that you can’t do better than him and you can’t live with out him. And you believe him.
You can make a different choice. You can change the future if you’ll only believe. Take a chance, step out on faith and let the hands of time lift you up to the universe. You deserve better than this loser you call husband/lover/ friend who is abusing you. Visit http://mom4biz.com for more information about emotional abuse and why you’ve chosen to become a victim.
© 2008 – Dee Verhoeff
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